You’ve seen Brooklyn right? Saoirse Ronan got nominated for an Oscar for playing 19/20-year-old Eilis Lacey who emigrates to Brooklyn and thinks she’ll die of homesickness and loneliness. She has that lovely green coat, and towards the end of the film she delivers advice to a wee girl on the boat that all of us sisters should sit up and take heed of,
And in a moment, I want you to go straight down to your cabin and lock the bathroom door on your side. When next door starts hammering, then you can negotiate.
Solid advice ladies, solid advice.
Now, I don’t know if I’m just too old to be getting homesick or if I’m simply content here but it’s my birthday day today – I’m 33, I’ve outlived Jesus, no big deal but still y’know, I’ve done it, don’t forget it – and it feels like an apt time to review my experience here thus far. Birthdays rarely sadden or alarm me – the serenity of the day is the one benefit of spending the other 364 days wondering what you’re doing with your life. This year however, the very fact that I’m here means that I can tick a few boxes in the personal achievement column. I thought I’d have lots of profound things to say, that the wisdom of a 33rd year would kick in and engulf me in 3000-word tsunami of migrant wisdom that I’d have to shave down to a 1000 words, but that didn’t really happen. So instead, under a series of arbitrary headings I made up in the middle of the night, I’m squaring up against fictional 19/20-year-old Eilis Lacey in Brooklyn to see who’s nailing emigration better.
Liking it here: I really like it here; I had the same dream three times last week where I was back in my old job and though I didn’t mind at all being back in the job or hanging out with the staff, I was absolutely ragin’ that I had had to leave Chicago. I am new enough here to still be enamored with the effusiveness of discourse, the diversity, the individualism of personal style and the palpable openness of people (guess who lives in a lovely artsy, liberal part of Chicago). In contrast, Eilis in Brooklyn didn’t instantly love Brooklyn and hid in her room for ages, so there’s a win there for me.
- Me: 1
- Fictional 19/20 year-old in 1950s who’s basically a teenager all on her own in a strange city: 0
Missing Home: Though America is geographically as far away as ever it was in the 1950s, no longer are emigrants counting down the days for letters to arrive. Indeed, since nieces of mine have learned to leave WhatsApp voicemails (or ‘voice emails’ as they call them) off their mother’s phone when her back is turned, I speak with them more than I did at home! I haven’t had any panics or downers because if I’m even the slightest bit maudlin I just phone a friend. And though the time difference is a nuisance, every morning I wake up there are messages for me from home. Eilis was sitting waiting on letters all the time, so technically that’s also a win for me.
- Me: 2
- Barely out of adolescence young girl who might never see home again: 0
Making Friends: Hmmm, Eilis might have the upper hand on me here, I’m pretty sure she’d met that nice Tony by this stage. Admittedly, I could be going to more MeetUp groups and events and generally making more of an effort, but I do be busy reading and exploring and walking the lakeshore. I wonder if I was lonely – i.e. if everyone wasn’t on the other end of WhatsApp and if I didn’t have such a good housemate, would I be more proactive in seeking out bosom buddies here? Am I being lazy or is it grand to cool the jets if it’s working out okay for me? Eilis was half-married by now, so she gets this one.
- Easy Eilis: 1
- Single Me: 2
Job-hunting: Damnit! She’s winning on this one too. That priest had sorted her out with the job in Macys or wherever, whereas I’m still slogging it at the public library, taking years to write up one cover letter purely because I spend the whole time looking out the window and trying not to check my Twitter. I aim to spend three hours sending off five CVs each day. That has literally never happened because I HATE JOB-HUNTING.
- It’s two-all, shuddup.
Exploring: I’ll start off walking to one place but discover that if I swing a left here or a right there then I’ll end up in another place and *BAM* a day wiled away in secondhand shops in Argyle or tatshops in Chinatown. Every week I check out whatever museum’s free and Thursday evening is free at the Art Institute of Chicago. Or I’ll just go to the lake and MY GOD the lake here is everything; it’s not much smaller than actual IRELAND and it’s a joy every day to look at, walk by and just sit and completely over-think every aspect of one’s existence! Dates with Tony for Eilis don’t count; win for me.
- Fictional character grappling with the possibility of true love because she’s basically a child and she’s all on her own and has nobody to advise her or leave her WhatsApp messages: 2
- Me: 3
Learning: I am inhaling books while I’m here; history, literature, biography, music and I’m spreading it wide to hear as many voices and perspectives as I can. I got a copy of the constitution for my birthday, I’m reading Jay-Z’s biography and I’m up to 1800 in Jill Lepore’s These Truths (it’ll be July before I hit the twentieth century) and I’ve a Spotify playlist of Chicago blues and jazz on loop. Send me a recommendation and I will add it to my list of books to read/songs to listen to. There is no way Eilis was getting this kind of reading done when she was spending all that time seething at the landlady, judging her housemates and working. Definite win for me.
- Bit less time on dates there Eilis and bit more time reading might be no harm for you there girl: 2
- Bit less time reading there Doireann and a bit more time on dates might be no harm for you there girl: 4
And so, going forward, having established that I’m doing better than the 19-year-old fictional character from a novel set in the 1950s, whatever next? Well, frankly, not much until I get working because although I’m having a lovely time right now, I think it’ll only be when I’m working that my real Chicago life will begin. Also, the weather’s not amazing yet here and I keep hearing that Chicago really kicks into gear when that summer sun comes. In the meantime though, there are many streets to get lost on, secondhand shops to spend money in and hours to be spent swooning at the lake because for, as Kevin Barry said, ‘Moony types get drawn to bodies of water’ – it’s true, we do. So here’s to my 33rd year, may it bring more Chicago-stamped happiness and good weather and health and joy (and a job, and my social security card)
I just cheers-ed my own birthday. Maybe I do need to meet new people. But, I have outlived Jesus and I’m better at migration than fictional Eilis Lacey and her fictional Brooklyn life. A hollow victory, but a victory nonetheless.
Until next week.
doireann.ie 